NBA Signs Lucrative Deal With Horrible Design Inc.

By: Flex Tanningwall (July 2006)

New York, NY (AP) – In a somewhat belated announcement, the NBA has officially made public its deal with Horrible Design Inc. to assume lead role as uniform fashionistas for all 30 teams. Russ Granick and his team of PR cronies headed the cheering parade as they welcomed the creative team from HDI led by consultants Craig Sager, dressed in a paint-ball splatted suit, Stevie Wonder, wearing one of his usual tapestry-with-a-hole-cut-in-it ensembles, and Yahoo Serious, who was naked.

League's desire to ruin every team's uniform by 2009 said to be the driving force behind the deal.

 “Who wants that traditional stenciled lettering when you can have a starburst feast?” proclaimed a very weary eyed and fatigued looking Sager. “Who wants traditional tear off warm-ups when you can wear a silk Kimono? Who wants colors that complement each other when you can have ketchup and mustard like Cleveland? It’s not about complementing colors as much as it’s about condiments,” he finished before being cut from the podium and sent back to his hotel.

Fighting off uproarious laughter in the press room, the always suave Granick attempted damage control by abruptly ending the press conference with this gem. “Not many teams can be proud to throw on their jersey anymore and we can thank HDI for catapulting this revolution. Or something like that. Thank you.”

So forget the days of FloJo (Florence Griffith Joyner) designing your favorite team’s uniform and stay tuned for offensively ugly jerseys to find a happy home in all 30 NBA cities. 

Notes: Horrible Design Inc.’s colorful client list includes the ’78 Pirates, the ’79 Padres, the ’93 76ers, American Gladiators, Nickelodeon’s Double Dare, champion wrestler Ric Flair, and several professional indoor sports leagues. HDI also introduced the wildly popular Scratch ‘N Sniff jockstrap to MLB in the early 90’s.