Sebastian Telfair Injured In Horrible Tricycle Accident

Celtics bad luck continues

Telfair seen here just moments before the devastating accident.

By: T. Ryan

CONEY ISLAND, NY - Newly acquired star point guard for the Boston Celtics, Sebastian Telfair, injured himself early Saturday morning while crashing a brand new tricycle into his prized G.I. Joe Aircraft Carrier, sending shock-waves throughout the organization. The shaken star described the incident on local radio in horrifying graphic detail.

“I was ridin’ it pretty good and I thought I could hop it, ya know, ‘cause the base ain’t that tall. So I went for it and the next thing I know I have three G.I. Joe figures wedged between my toes, the base is broke, and I’m $50 in the hole at Toys R Us. Can’t catch a break, but it wouldn’t be me to say I won’t try and hop it again.”

Sources say Telfair may have been a bit ambitious by adding nitrous packs to his tricycle, but he strongly denied those claims while defiantly chugging a Minute Maid juice box. League officials refused to comment on the subject, as this is just the latest in a string of off the court related issues. Most recently, Telfair was removed from his team charter for carrying a loaded Super-Soaker, grenade water balloons, and an undisclosed amount of Fun Dip in his duffle bag.

Telfair now joins an elite group that includes Jay Williams, Kellen Winslow Jr., and Ben Roethlisberger; however, he is the first to have worn a Nerf helmet at the time of impact. He is expected to miss 20 minutes of his favorite cartoon, Tom & Jerry.