Van Gundy leaves NBA for Milan modeling gig

By: A. Grady

Jeff Van Gundy on catwalk Jeff Van Gundy on the catwalk.

After years of courting, the fashion giants of Milan finally got their man, luring ex-NBA coach and full-time boob juggler Jeff "All Man" Van Gundy over the pond. Working from Milan, the fashionistas threw a boatload of cash, scores of women, custom-made Honda Civics, promises of world domination and crisp chest passes at the former NBA coach. But Donatella Versace and Georgio Armani, who spearheaded the recruiting effort, were only able to nab Van Gundy after relenting to his demands that the majority of his outfits come in his trademark "Diet Coke Silver."

Van Gundy, who has been dogged by rumors of his imminent departure to the modeling world since his clothes were torn clean off his body during a famous fight with Alonzo Mourning's leg, finally made it official Monday.

"It's time" said Van Gundy, who was draped in fur and flanked by Tim Gunn, Marcus Schenkenberg and Marv Albert at an impromptu press conference at JFK airport Tuesday night. "I've done the NBA thing. It was a nice ride, I made some great friends. But now it's time for something different. I can't deny this calling any longer. I can only hope my friend Mike Fratello changes his mind and joins me as well."

By Wednesday, Van Gundy was seen strutting his stuff down a Milan runway with his trademark arrogance and one of his closest confidantes, a poodle named Peter van Penelope. Reports of him and Giselle kanoodling backstage after the show have not yet been confirmed.

Notes: Many reporters noticed the extravagant fur that Van Gundy was draped in during the lengthy press conference appeared to be slowly moving up and down his suit at times. Many just chalked it up to being an optical illusion until a colorful section of the fur took a fierce swipe at Marv Albert's toupee... Albert flinched a bit, but didn't seem all that bothered. He'd already had a colorful ordeal himself shortly before the conference when he realized a squirrel had hitched a free ride to the airport atop his toupee. The squirrel, reportedly from Brooklyn, set off on his own near Terminal 3, close by to where the press junket began.