Where Are They Now?
Mike Tice

Mike Tice Selling Saabs, Kicking Ass and Taking Names

By: J. Hamel

West Babylon, NY — Mike Tice, former head honcho of the Minnesota Vikings was always known as a cerebral-type of NFL head coach. After being let go by the Vikings last season, the erstwhile coach decided to take a break from the gridiron and try his hand at Swedish automobile sales.   

Mike Tice was just killing time on his boat until calling old teammate and kindred spirit, David Puddy.

“As soon as the season ended, I thought "What would be the next logical choice?"  So I called up my one of my old high school lineman, David Puddy, and asked him if he had any openings on his Saab sales staff,” explained Tice wearing a Big Dog collection golf shirt unbuttoned to show off his glorious flowing chest hair.

After mulling over his paltry options for working in the NFL (including one with the New York Jets, who pushed hard to hire him as their head coach, GM, and CFO), Tice began working at Arnold Saab of West Babylon, NY in June.  He was an instant hit explained his sales manager and former left tackle, David Puddy. “My hombre, that’s Spanish, can flat out sell cars,” as he inhaled a doughnut in a single bite, slapped one of the mechanics in the ass, while giving out a myriad of high-fives to 9 passerbyers.

The only bump in the road came in early July during the dealership’s ‘Premium’ sales event (customers were given $20 Starbucks gift cards for taking test drives) when Tice was caught selling Starbucks Gift cards on Craigslists under the screen name, “cullpeppereatsdick”.

"Right now, life is good" Tice explained while questioned about the unfortunate situation. “It was a misunderstanding, these things happen. Bottom line – I won a fishing trip in the Bahamas for record breaking month of September. The NFL, for now can wait. I am all about selling Saabs, kicking ass and taking names.”