‘Hey Barbaro, Fuck You’

Hey Barbaro, fuck you and die already. I am sick of your broken ass being the leading story on ESPN.com, do all of us sports fans a favor and kick the bucket already.

When did ESPN.com become NEWSONWOUNDEDANIMALS.com? I mean it is nice not to hear about Bonds chasing Aaron or a not guilty verdict, but Barbaro is a fucking horse. An animal that is bred to run, it can’t run anymore so, let’s get a god damn bazooka and shoot his face off. I have big plans for Barbaro once he takes the animal dirt nap.

First off, I have this big arts and crafts project that needs finishing and I am running out of glue. I could use his head to scare off Paulie Walnuts who has been on my case for the past month. Finally, there is a Chinese restaurant in my neighborhood that is running low on beef, they would gladly serve up some prize winning meat.

Now, I know this sounds harsh because it is a living being and all, but just kill the fucker - his life is over. What did you expect when you breed a 1500 pound animal to run on ankles the size of toothpicks? The real tragedy is that people think this is a sport. I play golf, that is not a sport, it is a skill, breeding an animal and sticking a midget on it so it can run fast is not a sport, it is a spectacle and a joke. If it weren’t for gambling, there would be lots of horses and midgets out of a job, which would be fine by me. An out-of-work midget jockey sounds like a great premise for a sitcom.

I can just see him in his chess board shirt, ridiculous dunce helmet and the stupid horse he was riding walking into Kinko’s looking for a job. Roll credits. Fuck you, Barbaro.