97-Pound Jockey Fined For Head Butting 2,000-Pound Horse

By: B. Weiss

Horse jockey Paul O’Neil was suspended for one day and sent to his bedroom for head butting his horse, City Affair.  This is an incident that has rocked the horse-racing world, people are shocked that a 4’ 8” kid head butted his horse after the 5-ton animal tossed him like Raggedy Ann.

The clip, which has been shown countless times worldwide, has kept the earth in suspense about what sort of punishment would be sent down to Mr. O’Neil for head butting an animal 4,000 times his size.  Fighting in Lebanon and Israel stopped as the verdict was read. 

“I really had no idea they would suspend me for one whole day. I really have no idea what I am going to do with myself and the $40 in pay I will be docked,” O’Neil said from his bedroom in Northern Ireland.  “I guess I can pick up some work as an Ewok, or I can just catch up on the list of chores mom has laid out for me.”

As the fighting continued in the Middle East and the good people of ESPN reported this news in a timely fashion, the rest of the world is finally at ease that every 5-ton horse forever more will be protected from jockeys.